Never Forgotten
by Beautiful Nightmare
Summary: A love that was true was brought to an abrupt end...will he forget her or not? A one-shot Draco/Pansy fic.


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Disclaimer: All characters associated with the books are created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Lyrics belong to Sarah McLachlan.

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Author's note: I've not much to say except this is my first try at Draco/Pansy. My first try at an angst fic though I never planned for it to be.... it sort of just turned out that way. And go me.... my first ever completed fic....*pats self on back*. Any constructive criticism to improve my writing.... leave it in the review chambers....then go read my other story and don't forget to stop by my favourites chambers. So read on and don't forget to review....even if it's to state how much you despise this fic and want me to take it down immediately....

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Dedications: A few dedications this time around....first to my girl Nell, for helping me through this fic and listening to me bitch about how it just wasn't coming together. *grins*....thanks Nell. Second to LanaMariah, author of Save Yourself, my absolute favourite author on this site who has no idea I'm dedicating this to her....*smirks*....she is also the namesake of one of the minor characters in this fic. And last but not least, Kay because she's in a bad mood at the moment and maybe this will cheer her up....maybe not a lot but it could always help. *grins*

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*~*~*~*~*~*

Never Forgotten

One fleeting glance and I knew from that moment that I would love her, and her alone, forever. She was beautiful, exquisite even, with soft brown hair framing her face and her pale blue eyes peering at me from under the curls. It was not her beauty that drew me to her, but her presence. It was her presence that parted crowds, displacing the air left in her wake. It was her presence that stopped my breath, caught in my throat. In a small fraction of a second, as she boarded the train that bore us to Hogwarts and smirked at me, I was hers. 

Now, eight years later, it is that simple memory that brings tears to my eyes, but I do not let them spill.

It's strange how one memory can cause a chain reaction until all, good and bad, are just sitting there - waiting to be viewed. I don't want to see them; not now, not ever. But as always, I give in and let them wash over me.

They flash before my eyes...quick as lighting, snapping at my conscience.

I can see her standing in line waiting to be sorted. She looked as always, strong and brave, but underneath hid a scared girl waiting to be let free, conquered and kept safe. 

The instant she was sorted into Slytherin. My heart beating madly and uncomfortably against my chest as she strode to my side and sat beside me. Both of us were children of pride, dignity, power, and of Slytherin himself.

She had turned and spoken to me, her melodious voice washing over my senses, sending pleasurable shivers up and down my spine. 

In our second year when the Chamber of Secrets had been reopened and the school attacked, we stood together side-by-side scared, but unwilling to show it. 

I'm still painfully aware of her faithfulness and the way she was always there for me. When I was hurt in third year she never left my bedside, always holding my cold hand trying to warm it in her own smaller one.

The Yule ball had been in fourth year. She was the most gorgeous girl there, and even as I stared at Fleur Delacour, she was there beside me waiting patiently for me to notice her.

In the fifth year, after Voldemort had risen again, I had started planning to accept the Dark Mark. She stood beside me as always, willing to receive it as well, as long as we were together.

In our sixth year, attacks on the Muggle world increased and Voldemort's followers were no longer shrouded in secrecy. Both of our parents had revealed themselves as faithful servants to the Dark Lord and were among the most ruthless in the world. In private, she had curled up beside me, crying and asking, "why?"

In the seventh year she gave herself to me. Her heavy breath had tickled my ear as she moaned my name and brought her hips up to meet mine. I had kissed her lips and neck as she raked her nails up and down my back. 

During the Christmas break of our seventh year, as she and I were initiated into the growing ranks of Death Eaters, her eyes had found mine, silently telling me she would be with me forever, her eyes watering as the Dark Mark was burned into her perfect flesh. 

There was fright in those same eyes when Voldemort attacked the school, while we and the other new recruits hid in the dungeons on the Dark Lords request. I held her close, trying to block the screams of horror and pain and ignore the blood washing over the grounds of Hogwarts, staining the freshly fallen snow a deep crimson colour. The faces of those who survived had been green with shock, sickness, grief. 

Her face as she emerged from the school to find the remains of the attack will be permanently imprinted in my mind. I'll never forget seeing my love retch and heave violently as she came upon Hermione Granger's cold body, her dead brown eyes staring up and her mouth frozen open. Ron Weasley's fingers entwined with his fiancés; even in death they were together. Harry Potter was sitting beside them, rocking back and forth, muttering and trying to make sense of what was before him.

Her eyes widened as she stumbled across Lavender Brown. The same Lavender Brown she used to play with as a child, when life was simple and the prejudices we have now, didn't exist. She had fallen to her knees and stared unseeing over the figure stretched out before her.

Her panic had begun rising as she searched for any sign of life around her.

She tripped over a once lively Justin Finch-Fletchley, now laying cold and bloody and choked on a whimper. She had shot helplessly from his body like a bullet and waded away through the chaos. 

Her mouth had opened and uttered a silent scream as she set sight on Professor Snape. His lifeless body was covered in the blood of others. She collapsed and sobbed beside his body; this was Snape, her mentor, her advisor, her trusted friend. Sobbing for those she hadn't liked who had died and those who she had loved who had too. Despite his betrayal to the Dark Lord and she had loved him.

I had attended the funerals for all those lost in the attack with her. She sat beside Harry Potter; his hand clasped in her own, trying to comfort him, knowing it was useless. 

After that she had lay in my arms and shivering. Her voice flat as she told me that she would not go when we were called, and wincing when we were.

She refused to join me as I attended Death Eater meetings and withdrawn into herself, blocking out the world, the pain, and me.

And then one morning she rushed from the bed to the bathroom, coughing as she bent over the toilet.

When I proposed to her, her eyes lit up in wonder, joy, happiness, and love. She had thrown her arms around me and hugged me tightly, saying, "from now on everything would be ok."

She had grinned secretively the day she called me daddy and laughed when I sputtered stupidly, shocked and scared, though happy from the news. Her contagious bliss when I lifted her off the ground and twirled her around; her pale blue eyes twinkling as they looked down on me; a father to be.

At graduation she had swept through the crowd, congratulating everyone.

And suddenly they were gone. As quickly as the flashes came they were gone, leaving me trembling and gasping for breath.

I glance down at the picture of her I hold now. She is at graduation, of course, her stomach bulging, as she is pregnant with my child. All the while she is fighting beyond reason to pull me into the picture and she is laughing. 

She finally succeeds in pulling me in as she always does; I would have done anything for her. She leans against me, panting as I stroke her stomach and grin happily when the baby kicks at my hand. She was happy then. She had a fiancé who loved her more then anything in the world, a baby on the way, and a new outlook on life.

Our wedding was amazing. She had always wanted a massive ceremony and that is what she got. She invited everyone she knew, even giving the famous Harry Potter a seat in her family pew, much to the astonishment of everyone. They had grown close since the funerals, and now had quite the friendship. 

With our marriage we put the past as far behind us as we could, which evidently wasn't far enough. 

Now as I stand here, gazing at that picture of our graduation I can't believe she is gone. Wondering what life would have been like if I had made different decisions. Would she still be here? As many times as I say it, still I cannot believe she is gone. I blame it on myself, of course. If it wasn't for me she never would have taken the Dark Mark and she'd still be here curled up against my chest and whispering to me in the dead of night. 

Suddenly the memories seize my brain again and I remember how it started, the events leading to my loss.

It was August and she had just given birth, cradling two beautiful babies in her arms - twins. They were the most stunning creatures I had ever seen. And as I took the tiny girl into my arms and looked into her big eyes, I knew I could never return to Voldemort. I did not want to be like my own father, cold, distant, and callous. She had the eyes of her mother, a pale blue, reflecting everything around her and it shocked me, the way she could be a smaller version of her mother. I was in awe of her and her peaceful nature. We named her Lana, and she became my second angel. When her mother took her back and placed my son in my arms, I was beyond rapture. My male heir, Judson, was the one to carry on the family name and was the exact replica of myself. He was my equal; right down to the silvery white hair that was so fine, it was barely visible. This was my family, the reason I betrayed the Dark Lord.

It was soon after this life altering experience that I was called again. The burning in my arm was agonizing as I ignored it and held my family close. I would not go now or ever again. I had forsaken him, and he was angry.

Surprisingly though, he did not seek us out. He left us to ourselves, and I got myself a job at the Ministry of Magic, alongside Harry Potter, not worrying about the inevitable.

And many months later when the twins were ten months old, we had been kept awake from both Lana and Judson crying. It had been a very long night and once we had gotten them to bed, again we retired to our own, and she lay curled up in my arms. Her soft breathing became softer than a whisper and she fell into a slumber, and all the while I watched her sleeping. Her peaceful breath against my neck was soothing my aching and tired muscles as I too fell asleep.

Awoken by her shifting and sitting up, the words rung in the air, those words that everyone fears beyond anything else, "Avada Kedavra."

A brilliant green flash filled my eyes and I felt her fall back into my arms. I saw it all in one surreal second. Her eyes, once filled with such happiness and life were now dulling before my own. She was gone, to heaven, back to the one who had created her. I looked up to see Voldemort standing there, a triumphant smile stretched across his snakelike face as he gazed at me. I wanted nothing but for him to kill me as well, but he wouldn't. He stayed long enough to tell me that for my betrayal he had taken the most important thing in my life. 

I stayed there through the early morning hours, her limp and cold form in my arms, caressing her soft face. She looked beautiful even in death, and the faint green light shining through the window from Voldemort's signature reflected off her face and magnified it ten times over. 

I heard the screams from the street below our window and then the door as it crashed to the floor, bringing me out of my shock. I saw Harry standing in the doorway before he turned and dashed to the twin's room. I shook my head sadly, I couldn't bring myself to go and see them, their angelic faces, gray, and dull. However, he returned with both alive and well untouched by Voldemort. I held them in my arms, soothing them with my gentle rocking and wondering how their life would be without their mother. 

Still I stand here, by the ocean, in her favorite spot, looking at that picture of her at graduation, crying for her to come back. She loved the water, loved to lie on the beach and listen to the waves as they crashed against the surf. And I understand now, how it soothes the soul and though it doesn't make everything better, it helps. This epiphany healed my damaged heart and gave me the strength to move on; but not forget. 

"Goodbye Pansy."

And as I sprinkle the last of her ashes into the wind I know I will never forget. 

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I remember the nights as I watched as you lay sleeping   
Your body gripped by some far away dream  
Well I was so scared and so in love then   
And so lost in all of you that I had seen  
But no one ever talked in the darkness   
No voice ever added fuel to the fire   
No light ever shone in the doorway  
Deep in the hollow of earthly desires   
But if in some dream there was brightness   
If in some memory some sort of sigh   
And flesh be revived in the shadows  
Blessed our bodies would lay so entwined

And I will oh I will not forget you   
Nor will I ever let you go  
I will oh I will not forget you 

I remember how you left in the morning at daybreak   
So silent you stole from my bed  
To go back to the one who possesses your soul  
And back to the life that I dread   
So I ran like the wind to the water  
Please don't leave me again I cried   
And I threw bitter tears at the ocean   
But all that came back was the tide 

And I will oh I will not forget you  
Nor will I ever let you go  
I will oh I will not forget you 

And I will oh I will not forget you  
Nor will I ever let you go  
I will oh I will not forget you 

And I will oh I will not forget you  
Nor will I ever let you go  
I will oh I will not forget you 

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*~I will not forget you, Sarah McLachlan~*

Special Thanks to: My wonderful beta readers Beth, Kate, Callie, Arianna, and Sherry. I'm very appreciative of your help.


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